Work/Life Balance

This image is taken from an article on Mapleleafmommy.com.

What a weird day. It's baby girl's 1/2 birthday - she's 6 months old today. I'm delighted. She's having a blast and we celebrated with some new toys from Target.

Another interesting rite of passage befell our happy home today - I was "let go" from a job for the first time in my life.

I've been wanting to write about how hard it's been to go back to work. After the events of today, I'll now write a completely different post. I'd never even come close being fired before this morning. And typically, any bad news (especially concerning my employment) is met with fear, defensiveness or confusion. But today I happily received a very clear message.

There's no bitterness or self-loathing here. I did a good job, but a local person may be better suited for the work. I was working remotely and from a different time zone - and due to the nature of the work, that put me at a disadvantage. My employer did try to work with me and change up the job description and figure out a better role for me, but nothing quite fit in the current state of the business.

What's truly amazing is how at peace I feel about this! I was grinning when we discussed my departure from the position. And not because I didn't like the job. I really liked it! But I was struggling with work/life balance. I think I started picking up old habits and being the workaholic I am prone to be. I was working more than the assigned 25 hours, and thinking about the job even when I was supposed to be focused on my daughter. I stopped going to my post partum depression group because the weekly meetings occur at one of the busiest times of the week for this particular business. I was stressing out and not taking care of myself - skipping the gym, skipping meals. But I wanted to make this job work anyway, because I like the company and everyone I got to work with.

Thankfully, it ended amicably because I feel safe in my sense of relief. I feel a sense of closure and am looking forward to some time to reflect and plan my next moves.

Here's the rub: I do have a couple of passion projects on my plate, but no income. I'm surprisingly calm at the moment but I will freak out when the last paycheck is cashed. It's in my nature to be a little dramatic, and no income is a scary thing! Yet, I don't have this feeling of ominous doom I believe I would have felt had my first "let go" experience been a year ago, or really anytime before baby.

When I first decided not to return to my previous job after maternity leave, I was afraid I wouldn't find anything else. I was wrong, and I'm not scared I won't find anything again. I'm not scared. I thought I would be scared, but I'm not.

Broke, but not broken, and unafraid.