So it's been awhile. I've been busy and I've sort of gotten the hang of being a parent. Basically, I have resigned myself to the fact that I have no control over anything. But I do the best I can in spite of this.
It's been really hard to think clearly. Not so much because of being a parent, or because I still feel like a newbie in this new town, but because I don't really have a good grasp on what's appropriate. I could blame the election of Donald Trump - and he's certainly a clear indicator of what I'm grasping at here - but I think it's more than that.
Lately, I've been listening to NPR and watching Fox News. I've been contemplating growing more of our food and buying a clone so I can grow my own marijuana. I've also been shopping at Whole Foods and Nordstrom... I've been driving a Mercedes, and a Toyota Corolla. We live in Diamond Bar, but we rent a townhouse. We're white, but are we that white?
The answer to the last question is YES! We are white, and we are privileged. But we are struggling, somewhat, financially. We have no savings. But I'm not working. I am Becky. I'd like to think of myself as an evolved Becky, but it's really not for me to grant myself that distinction.
I'm dreadfully confused and tired of labels. I'm desperate to be inclusive and to teach my daughter to be tolerant, but my tolerance for labels is growing thin. I accept that I'm a privileged, cisgendered, white female whose struggles pale in comparison to those of WOC and other institutionally marginalized people. But I didn't even know what cisgendered was until I was reading an article about cisgendered privilege... I didn't know what the term Becky meant until I read an article about intersectional feminism. When I read that article, I identified as Becky and felt immediately connected to the stereotype presented. I even look like what you'd think a Becky looks like...
So while I accept that I fit into several different categories and can be defined by several different labels, I'm not sure I like learning about myself via internet articles with a whole new vocabulary. Am I a snowflake because I'm complaining? I'm still not really sure what a snowflake is...
I live in a bubble. My vision is one of a world in which we're all just cool to each other. I am frustrated by anyone who doesn't share in this vision. But I also know what other people think is not really my business, because while I can attempt to persuade another, I cannot will another's thoughts to mirror my own.
Let me explain what I mean by bubble because there's a double meaning in that. I mean I live in an alternate universe in my own self, and I'm in a physical bubble. I live in Diamond Bar - a predominantly Chinese, crime-free and expensive area. I'm in Southern California. It's sunny and beautiful, and for the most part, people leave each other alone... or at least, in my emo-mental bubble they do.
But my bubble has burst... Amidst my growing awareness of how gross the world can be, I am confronted with real news on the back porch. The 2015 San Bernardino attack happened 39.8 miles from our home. According to the OC Register, crime jumped a whopping 23% in Orange County in 2016. And in February of this year, an off-duty cop in Anaheim found himself on tape harassing a group of Mexican and black teenagers.
I am terrified by the news stories of hate crimes and vandalism across the nation. I am further terrified by the tenor of social media conversations and the way we've all (conservatives and liberals alike) have decided it's okay to call each other nasty names.
However, I must remind myself that none of this is new.
Name calling is by no means new. Hate crimes are not new. Racism is a very old problem for us. Sexism is inherent in everything we know, including our own thoughts. There have always been "haves" and "have-nots." People have always hurt each other.
This might sound hyperbolic, but I think we're headed for our second War Between the States. We are remarkably comfortable killing each other in not-so-isolated incidents in the present, and we as a nation went to war against ourselves not even 200 years ago. We literally shot and killed each other and ourselves and called it The Civil War (or as my family calls it, The War of Northern Aggression).
Yes, slavery was legal at the time. And it's far more comfortable to think that the war was fought over slavery alone, and therefore history in this context shall not repeat itself. But that's ignorant. The Civil War was not fought to end slavery*, the Emancipation Proclamation did not actually free the slaves in the Union and the end of the war did not mark the end of institutionalized racism. The end of the war marked a period in which rich, cotton farming white men had to accept that it was just cheaper to import cotton and tobacco from slaves in India than support our own home-grown version of the "peculiar institution." And so they lost out to competition and lost money. Old money became working poor, and wealth shifted from agriculture in the south to industry, factories, and railroads in the north.
And here we are again. Those who own stakes in dying businesses (like coal and oil) do not want to lose what they own, so they will protect their "assets" by lobbying for legislation they like. This is also not new.
Politicians are doing what they've always done, as we are doing what we've always done. They call the shots and we call each other names. Name calling turns into bullying, which turns into incidents of violence. We will kill each other before there's any true shift in power.
So... these thoughts are why I haven't written much lately, and also why I probably should be writing more often. I'm losing it over here. I'm freaked out, and I don't like where we're headed.
*I took this post down a few days after I wrote it because I felt uncomfortable having said that the Civil War was not about slavery. The above post was a rant and not meant to be taken too seriously; however, I've been thinking a lot about this and I espoused an overly simplified, ignorant and probably offensive viewpoint. I've decided to put this post back up with this asterisked explanation.
I should not have said that the Civil War was not fought over slavery. What I should have said is that I hate the version of the story of the Civil War I was taught as a kid. I was taught that the people of the North were entirely civil and friendly to African Americans; that racism and subjugation of another race were purely Southern things, thankfully eradicated by the Emancipation Proclamation and heroes like Abraham Lincoln.
When I said that the Civil War was not fought over slavery, I was trying to say that I don't like the version of the story I was told. One of the main reasons I don't like it is that it paints a bunch of racists as non-racists and pits them against racists. In reality, pretty much everyone at the time was terribly racist. And I think it's problematic to teach children that racism ended with slavery, which ended with the Civil War. It's too simple, and I think gravely contributes to the terrible reality that many of us are taught to believe that institutionalized racism is old news. It's not responsible.
But what I said is also a grave oversimplification.
Because I don't like the way white Northerners were painted as benevolent abolitionists, doesn't mean I am not morally obligated to decry everything the malevolent slaveholders and bystanders abided in the South. I am morally obligated to correct myself and say clearly that the Civil War was fought over slavery. The abolitionists (mostly of Northern stock) were appalled by the idea of capitalizing upon racism to such an extent as to buy or even breed slaves. The abolitionists were right. The were right - even if Lincoln wasn't technically one of them and even if by today's standards they were racist too. I have no business stating anything otherwise.
It's been really hard to think clearly. Not so much because of being a parent, or because I still feel like a newbie in this new town, but because I don't really have a good grasp on what's appropriate. I could blame the election of Donald Trump - and he's certainly a clear indicator of what I'm grasping at here - but I think it's more than that.
Lately, I've been listening to NPR and watching Fox News. I've been contemplating growing more of our food and buying a clone so I can grow my own marijuana. I've also been shopping at Whole Foods and Nordstrom... I've been driving a Mercedes, and a Toyota Corolla. We live in Diamond Bar, but we rent a townhouse. We're white, but are we that white?
The answer to the last question is YES! We are white, and we are privileged. But we are struggling, somewhat, financially. We have no savings. But I'm not working. I am Becky. I'd like to think of myself as an evolved Becky, but it's really not for me to grant myself that distinction.
I'm dreadfully confused and tired of labels. I'm desperate to be inclusive and to teach my daughter to be tolerant, but my tolerance for labels is growing thin. I accept that I'm a privileged, cisgendered, white female whose struggles pale in comparison to those of WOC and other institutionally marginalized people. But I didn't even know what cisgendered was until I was reading an article about cisgendered privilege... I didn't know what the term Becky meant until I read an article about intersectional feminism. When I read that article, I identified as Becky and felt immediately connected to the stereotype presented. I even look like what you'd think a Becky looks like...
So while I accept that I fit into several different categories and can be defined by several different labels, I'm not sure I like learning about myself via internet articles with a whole new vocabulary. Am I a snowflake because I'm complaining? I'm still not really sure what a snowflake is...
I live in a bubble. My vision is one of a world in which we're all just cool to each other. I am frustrated by anyone who doesn't share in this vision. But I also know what other people think is not really my business, because while I can attempt to persuade another, I cannot will another's thoughts to mirror my own.
Let me explain what I mean by bubble because there's a double meaning in that. I mean I live in an alternate universe in my own self, and I'm in a physical bubble. I live in Diamond Bar - a predominantly Chinese, crime-free and expensive area. I'm in Southern California. It's sunny and beautiful, and for the most part, people leave each other alone... or at least, in my emo-mental bubble they do.
But my bubble has burst... Amidst my growing awareness of how gross the world can be, I am confronted with real news on the back porch. The 2015 San Bernardino attack happened 39.8 miles from our home. According to the OC Register, crime jumped a whopping 23% in Orange County in 2016. And in February of this year, an off-duty cop in Anaheim found himself on tape harassing a group of Mexican and black teenagers.
I am terrified by the news stories of hate crimes and vandalism across the nation. I am further terrified by the tenor of social media conversations and the way we've all (conservatives and liberals alike) have decided it's okay to call each other nasty names.
However, I must remind myself that none of this is new.
Name calling is by no means new. Hate crimes are not new. Racism is a very old problem for us. Sexism is inherent in everything we know, including our own thoughts. There have always been "haves" and "have-nots." People have always hurt each other.
This might sound hyperbolic, but I think we're headed for our second War Between the States. We are remarkably comfortable killing each other in not-so-isolated incidents in the present, and we as a nation went to war against ourselves not even 200 years ago. We literally shot and killed each other and ourselves and called it The Civil War (or as my family calls it, The War of Northern Aggression).
Yes, slavery was legal at the time. And it's far more comfortable to think that the war was fought over slavery alone, and therefore history in this context shall not repeat itself. But that's ignorant. The Civil War was not fought to end slavery*, the Emancipation Proclamation did not actually free the slaves in the Union and the end of the war did not mark the end of institutionalized racism. The end of the war marked a period in which rich, cotton farming white men had to accept that it was just cheaper to import cotton and tobacco from slaves in India than support our own home-grown version of the "peculiar institution." And so they lost out to competition and lost money. Old money became working poor, and wealth shifted from agriculture in the south to industry, factories, and railroads in the north.
And here we are again. Those who own stakes in dying businesses (like coal and oil) do not want to lose what they own, so they will protect their "assets" by lobbying for legislation they like. This is also not new.
Politicians are doing what they've always done, as we are doing what we've always done. They call the shots and we call each other names. Name calling turns into bullying, which turns into incidents of violence. We will kill each other before there's any true shift in power.
So... these thoughts are why I haven't written much lately, and also why I probably should be writing more often. I'm losing it over here. I'm freaked out, and I don't like where we're headed.
*I took this post down a few days after I wrote it because I felt uncomfortable having said that the Civil War was not about slavery. The above post was a rant and not meant to be taken too seriously; however, I've been thinking a lot about this and I espoused an overly simplified, ignorant and probably offensive viewpoint. I've decided to put this post back up with this asterisked explanation.
I should not have said that the Civil War was not fought over slavery. What I should have said is that I hate the version of the story of the Civil War I was taught as a kid. I was taught that the people of the North were entirely civil and friendly to African Americans; that racism and subjugation of another race were purely Southern things, thankfully eradicated by the Emancipation Proclamation and heroes like Abraham Lincoln.
When I said that the Civil War was not fought over slavery, I was trying to say that I don't like the version of the story I was told. One of the main reasons I don't like it is that it paints a bunch of racists as non-racists and pits them against racists. In reality, pretty much everyone at the time was terribly racist. And I think it's problematic to teach children that racism ended with slavery, which ended with the Civil War. It's too simple, and I think gravely contributes to the terrible reality that many of us are taught to believe that institutionalized racism is old news. It's not responsible.
But what I said is also a grave oversimplification.
Because I don't like the way white Northerners were painted as benevolent abolitionists, doesn't mean I am not morally obligated to decry everything the malevolent slaveholders and bystanders abided in the South. I am morally obligated to correct myself and say clearly that the Civil War was fought over slavery. The abolitionists (mostly of Northern stock) were appalled by the idea of capitalizing upon racism to such an extent as to buy or even breed slaves. The abolitionists were right. The were right - even if Lincoln wasn't technically one of them and even if by today's standards they were racist too. I have no business stating anything otherwise.
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