Bushwhacked: To Wax Or Not To Wax

Shaving my pubes always results in razor burn, ingrown hairs and stubble, plus an itchy and uncomfortable situation no matter what the undergarment or clothing choice. 

But I've long been a routine and regular waxer.  For years, I got a full Brazilian wax every 4-5 weeks in order to keep the pubes away. I even kept up with this pubic hairstyle through the pregnancy.

I, of course, took a break from waxing after the baby. Vaginal delivery and tearing, you know. I was terrified when I finally did muster up the courage to go back and get waxed. I wound up with a weird shape - a sort of hairy box around my outer labia with a thick landing strip on top. I was scared of the waxer going too close to anything that tore during delivery, so I kept insisting she leave a little more. It was getting awkward as she didn't like the idea of a customer leaving with a pube style quite like the one she'd created on me. This was probably 4 months after Bumble was born, and my stitches had long since healed. She kept insisting that I was perfectly ready for a proper wax. She even went as far as to say that my vagina looked so good she couldn't tell I had recently had a baby. Instead of appreciating this fine compliment for what it was, I took the low road and assumed she said this for the "ratings." I insisted on my hairy box pube style and never went back to that particular waxer again. 

I did slowly start to get back in the habit of a regular wax. I never quite made it all the way back to a full Brazilian every 4-5 weeks; I've had 1 in the past few months. For a minute there, it seemed like I was headed back to the full Brazilian on the regular... 

But changing my daughter's diapers so often has forced me to face (literally) what a naturally bald vagina looks like, time and time again. Now I am self-conscious about the idea of my own artificially bald vagina. Suddenly I have to ask myself what I've been trying to achieve. What am I going for here?

It's not as though I'd never before considered why I got into the habit of regularly waxing. It's painful and it's expensive - and so there were times I had to justify the painful expense to myself and others. But the consideration kind of stopped short and ended with money until very recently. 

I don't like a lot of pubic hair, on myself or anyone else. I'm not into the big bushy styles of earlier times. I assume my preference for less pubic hair is a result of seeing hairless (or minimally pubed) adults in magazines, on TV and in movies and online. I'm a '90s kid - I eat advertisements for breakfast. 

I've never felt a definite external pressure to keep my privates bald. I've never had a partner who insisted I wax or shave. My husband has never complained when I skip waxing sessions or let the hair grow out for any reason (which I rarely do). If anything, I get frustrated with him when he doesn't seem to notice one way or the other. In my 20s and now in my early 30s, I have met more and more women who rocked the same or similar looks. This has kind of reinforced the idea that everyone does it. 

My first experience with pubic hair removal was fairly benign. My mom made me my first waxing appointment when I took an interest in the diving team in Junior High. I was 12-13 and had been having my period a little over a year and had a full pubic bush. I'm a natural blonde, but you wouldn't know it by the upholstery downstairs. She made me an appointment to get my bikini line waxed. She never encouraged me to wax any more than necessary - the point was to keep the hair hidden behind my bathing suit. She never went overboard with waxing herself, or in any way encouraged me to explore alternative pubic hairstyles. 

The fact that I developed early (and believed I was the only one who did) was problematic. Like most, I was not mature enough to process the physical changes my body was undergoing, and I felt embarrassed... I developed those big bee sting nipples and got pubic hair earlier than most. I got my first period at 11. I'm sure there were other fifth graders on the rag, but somehow it seemed to me that I was the only girl in my class dealing with any of it. 

There was a pretty traumatic sleepover incident in my childhood basement in Illinois that may have had a serious impact on my self-image as it relates to pubes... I had a large group of about 10 girls sleeping over, and in the middle of the night, someone suggested everyone get naked. We were probably playing truth or dare and everyone dared everyone else to get naked... like 11-year-old girls do? Every naked girl in my basement looked like what I thought a naked girl should look like - hairless and flat. I was being shy and bashful and didn't want to join in with everyone. I quietly told a friend that my private parts look different and I don't want to show everyone... so of course, she turned to everyone and announced that mine looks different and she wants to see it! They all started asking me to "please, please, please, pretty please... I'll be your best friend" see my hairy vagina. I gave in and showed everyone my patch of pubic hair. They all screamed! 

So there I was: the only girl at the sleepover with pubic hair. And the butt of the joke. I was a strange and very sensitive kid already, and that sleepover really stuck with me. I've gone as far as to wonder if I was trying to go undo that "trauma" by keeping my bits bald. I don't think it's that simple... But I certainly can't discount the lasting effect of feeling othered like that. 

I doubt I'll stop waxing or go au natural. While I have taken some time to intellectualize all of this, I may not be ready to completely change years of waxing behavior. But I have taken a step back and have opted out of any future full Brazilians. It's not like I've got a fur coat or anything - the pubic hair is still minimal, but visible. I have visible pubic hair, like an adult.