Big Boob McGee

Here's the scoop on Jennifer Lawrence and her uneven breasts.

It's not a typo. I didn't mean to say Big Boobs McGee. Big Boob McGee is meant to be singular. As in the lonely McGee booby, the only one of its size.

I no longer have a pair of big boobs, which would make the plural Big Boobs McGee fitting. I now have only the one big boob, not two.

Prior to my pregnancy, I rocked A cups. From about age 10 until about a year ago, I was ashamed of my little boobies. I desperately wanted big boobs... I had no idea how good I had it with those little and perfectly perky things!

In my A cup days, I rarely wore a bra. I could wear low-cut or deep v-neck shirts or dresses, and not worry too much about people ogling my goodies. I could wear a teeny tiny bikini and while I may get comments like "you're so skinny," I would never hear a peep about my boobs being too big for my top. I was generally very comfortable in most clothing and swimsuits.

My boobs were one of the first "signs" that removed any doubt as to whether I was pregnant. I was about 6 days late and my boobs were swollen and so so so tender. At the time, hubby and I tried to convince ourselves that I was late because I was stressed out with wedding planning. But I knew... my boobs told me the truth.

In the first trimester, my boobs doubled in size. I went from an A cup to a full C cup in less than 12 weeks. Not only were my boobs tender, they were everywhere! They were popping out of shirts, and I actually had to invest in good bras. I had never really had to do that before...

By the end of the pregnancy, I was up to a D cup and pretty miserable all around. I was actually grateful for my growing belly because it offset the weirdness I felt about my new, big boobs. I just stopped trying to bra shop and switched to soft sports bras. And never looked back.

Then the baby came, and that's when I really learned the meaning of big boobs. They got even bigger when I started breastfeeding. The sports bras still fit but none of the nursing bras I'd bought before baby. I wound up just wearing nursing tanks and pads to hide my nips, sometimes I'd need to reinforce the whole situation with a tight tank over it all. My big boobs stayed pretty tightly bound against my body when they weren't in use for feeding, until very recently.

Throughout the breastfeeding adventure, I've tried really hard to remain "balanced"  and feed from each side. Initially and during bouts of "cluster" feeding, I would alternate boobs for each feeding. As she grew, I switched to alternating between boobs at each feeding. But on the whole, I worked very hard to make sure my boobs were utilized equally and thus optimized for consistent milk production.

I also used a double electric breast pump and hit both boobs anytime I had to manually express milk. Sometimes I'd get more milk from one boob or the other during a pumping session, but overall the results were pretty even.

There was a point in the beginning where I'd worried my left boob was going to be bigger than my right. Lefty was hit with mastitis followed by a series of clogged milk ducts, which made for easy swelling and difficulty feeding and pumping. When the baby was 2 weeks old, I sobbed about this at the pediatrician's office because I was in pain (and tired and hormonal). I was hoping he'd tell me that this was not normal, that I should stop breastfeeding right away... that I would have a valid reason to stop the breastfeeding nonsense. But instead, he said the best way to get relief was to breastfeed through it. Keep feeding her and the pain will go away. Oddly enough, it worked. I kept breastfeeding and eventually things worked themselves out.

I only breastfeed 1-2 times a day at max now. Baby girl is on formula and starting solids. I still try to be very consistent in alternating between boobs. But, somehow, my right boob is now way bigger than the left. I think a little more than a cup size... It's hard to tell. Both boobs are still producing - although for a short time last week, I thought it possible the left had just dried up.

My husband tried to convince me this is all in my head. So a couple of days ago, right before I nursed the baby and my big boob was at its biggest, I showed my husband again. I then asked for confirmation of the difference in size - did he see it too? Am I crazy?

He smiled and had to admit that there's a noticeable difference.

What's so exciting about this is the fact that I don't care. Given my history with my boobs, and my desire to have bigger, better boobs as a youngling, I thought I'd be more freaked out about this. But thanks to my daughter, I have a sense of pride in my body I never thought possible for me. The fact that I breastfed successfully makes me so proud of my boobs. I love my big boob, and I love my little boob.